I know there are many hurting in this page with grief. This is what I wrote about my uncle passing last year and my beautiful experience with my bloodline that day. Sharing in case it helps anyone.
Yesterday my uncle died 7 months before reaching 100 years old. He was an amazing man and lived fully as a world war 2 hero and professional soccer player. My kids loved listening to his stories.
He moved to Canada so I only met him in adulthood when he moved back and it was the first time I met someone who was like my Mom, because she lost the rest of her family before I was born.
Meeting him was like ‘ooohhh that’s who I am/we are’. Family is so connected whether we know them a short or long time, or we never met them.
He was the last person alive who knew my Mom’s Mom and Dad who died when she was young, and also her own brother who died at ten years old.
The ability to talk about her memories with anyone who also remembers them was fun for her, so she is kinda saying goodbye to them all again today.
I have always been able to feel this grief in her. She has a permanent ‘side of sad’ alongside all of her experiences. She coexists with it, for some periods in my life it took her over, but more recently it has softened. She will be able to navigate this now because she is stronger.
You know what’s true for me though today? This “beautiful sad” feeling.
When I channel my bloodline on that side right now they are all happy and peaceful and sending so much love to us right now because they know we will miss him.
It’s a really powerful love that is sad and makes me want to cry all the time, but it is truly so beautiful.
I can zoom in on how her brother who died at ten feels ..(my uncle) he’s still youthful and innocent feeling and so joyful and loving.
Feeling her mom’s flood of love makes me ball crying because it would have been amazing to know her and get that love from an in person hug. The grandma I never met, but she is sending her love to me today.
Her dad is, even in death, a man of few words and I get that vibe but also a peace about him, and a gentleness towards me.
And now my great uncle is back with everyone and it feels much more complete there somehow. They are happy to have him.
Being able to connect to their love whenever I want is powerful. It feels comforting that it exists as a permanent force, even though they are not here and even though I never met them.
I can feel the duality of their feeling complete and being happy to have him, as well as their sending so much love for us because they know we are sad.
I was told a while ago that I could access the medium realm “if I want to”. I guess today I want to.
It has been truly beautiful. Even though I can’t stop crying. ???
Years ago, I had heard conversations about ‘loving your authentic self’, and thought it sounded self-indulgent and frankly, weird.
At the time I was wounded and lost. I had walked through some hard things, and as is typical, I had lost connection to myself in the process. Truthfully, I had not just lost connection with myself – I didn’t like myself.
So sad looking back because I was surely loved, and was very accomplished in life. So what was missing?
Why did my life seem to look great on the outside, yet I was filled with anxiety and self-doubt?
In an embodiment class, years ago, the exercise was seemingly simple – I had to tell people what I wanted out of my life.
I remember trying to complete the exercise where the person opposite me would just listen and be a sounding board and repeat the same question to stimulate brainstorming.
The question – ““what do you want?” The rules were to think of things you wanted, not for your family or others.
“What do you want, what do you want..”… over and over the question was repeated lovingly for one minute.
The large room was buzzing with noisy excitement, and that filled me with even more panic because I had no answer. The exercise seemed to go on for an eternity. I did not know what I wanted.
I hadn’t considered that question for a long time. How could that be?
For me, I had spent decades focusing on what I ‘should’ do, based on what I thought others wanted or needed of me. I very sadly had not considered in a long while, what I wanted for MY life.
Even more so since becoming a Mom, I had categorized anything that I liked to do as selfish or not important.
I love to walk others through this journey of sacred feminine restoration now, using embodiment tools, intuitive coaching, and energy healing. I get truly get chills each time a sister rediscovers her worth and straightens her crown!
The things that make us uniquely us, our likes, our dreams, our pet peeves, and quirks, I believe are a road map to lead us to where we are supposed to be in life.
If we live authentically and listen carefully, our wants and desires will lead us to the right friends and partners, how we are supposed to contribute to the world, and to whom we are supposed to support.
The impact we are to have in this world cannot be found if we are not listening to our authentic selves, or if we are wearing masks to impress or please others.
The first step if you are feeling lost, is to get to know yourself again — your authentic self before hard things happened to you, and then to focus on treating her very well – to honor her, because she deserves it!
Much like any relationship, self-love is a process of mutual respect, understanding, and tenderness.
Take a moment today, get ridiculously selfish for a moment…. create the space….. Who are you and what do you want??
How are you going to show yourself that you matter and that you are loved and appreciated by YOURSELF today?
If any of this feels familiar, if it’s been a while since you focused on yourself enough to know what you want, check out my Exhaustion Archetype Quiz below.
In 2-minutes you will receive a free personal report of which inner traits are blocking you from self-love and living in flow with the universe. I created it from years of coaching women through hard things, it will get you pointed back in the right direction 🙂
Sending so much love to you!
Joanna Peters, Coach & Author:Guiding soul weary women to heal from their painful pasts, shed shame and finally live with the peace and self-love they deserve.
Ready to get to know yourself better?
Take this quiz to reveal which inner traits add to your exhaustion and block self-love.
Plus, receive loving guidance and personalized healing tools to start your restoration journey for FREE.
I’m done! This is so hard!! I’m exhausted! Overwhelm stinks, but what if you are creating that feeling yourself?
I don’t know about you but I’m kinda stubborn. Surrendering anything is super hard for me. Control in parenting, choice of paint color, anything. The curse of the recovering perfectionist.
In addition to that personality trait, my childhood experience had me toughen up and take responsibility for things I shouldn’t have at an early age, which can be a hard habit to shake.
That type of experience also tends to have us put up some protection walls somewhere, that makes words like “vulnerability” or “surrender” be less desirable than ‘strong’ and ‘powerful”.
It feels strong and powerful to resist ‘what is’ and put up a fight. But then we feel exhausted and overwhelmed. What if there is another way…?
It’s a little funny how I came to the ‘surrender realization’ I am talking about.
I was not raised to be particularly spiritual. I was invited to a church in my 20s by a friend, and when I went, I felt alone and sad.
There were people there with joy in their eyes, with peace and genuinely hugging each other hello. I knew I didn’t have what they had and I didn’t know how to get it.
During the worship that day, my mind was wandering. I was so bored, they were singing the same verse of a song over and over again.
I was not entertained, so my mind was wandering on how I can get to the level of peace and joy that I had witnessed.
What was I missing? What did I need to do? The boring song was repeating that same verse over and over again.. “I sur-render. All to you. All to you”
“ I I I sur-render. All to you. All to you”…. “
As soon as it connected in my brain that I was being given my answer in the song, I opened a teeny weeny gap in my armor and spirit flooded into my body.
Physical feeling going through my veins, head spinning and my heart pumped with loving energy and support instantly.
Tears were coming to my eyes, although like the warrior I was, I was trying to swallow them down so no one saw or knew I was crying.
In that moment I knew it was true. There is a loving force, I am not alone. I skipped home smiling randomly at strangers because I loved them all.
I feel that powerful loving energy when any faith is praying, my Jewish and Muslim friends access the same energy. We are so loved.
I know this to the core of my being, yet there are days I feel overwhelmed and throw a tantrum. Why?
Because I am human and this surrendering thing is super hard!
We have to do it daily and our ego hates it.
If we want to BE in control (which ego does, because we feel it is in our best interests and protects us), we wind up FEELING in control and responsible – that is – to have the weight of the universe on our shoulders.
I like to call that process ‘promoting myself to managing director of the universe’. I feel responsible for the outcome of all the things around me, and get overwhelmed.
Then my thoughts escalate to things like “how am I going to get this done? Will it be good enough? Will I fail?
I continue to add more thoughts to this ever growing overwhelm, increasing my anxiety, until I remember – finally – that I am not actually the managing director of the universe. (phew!)
My job is to take my little action step, then surrender and trust.
Trust that He is better at this than me.
Trust that since He created the entire universe, He can probably handle my situation.
Trust that his way will work out even better than the version I am trying to ‘strong arm’ into existence.
Trust in His timing (my personal worst struggle, I’m so impatient).
Breathe and trust. That’s how this whole thing works best for everyone. Especially when things on earth here are super hard, we need to do our part, then let go.
So when I remember, here is what I know to be true, and its the opposite to the way my brain is naturally wired –
=>The hardest thing possible for a human to do is to trust something, or someone enough to surrender our ego’s will.
=> Faith therefore takes tremendous continuous strength, not weakness.
The challenge, daily, is to quit the self appointed position of being the managing director of the universe, in exchange for being divinely loved and supported instead.
Doesn’t seem so bad a trade when I remember.
If any of this resonated with you, please consider joining me in restore – a FREE 5-Day ‘at your pace’ experience where we work together to restore ourselves through intuitive guidance, energy clearing, and mindset tools.
For me, what lights me up completely? Other women sharing their truths. I can feel the courage it takes and what it releases in the person, it’s magical.
When I have the honor to experience another woman letting go of everything to free herself of her stories, it gives me chills because I can feel that collective power shift in us all. With every personal healing moment, the collective power of women everywhere gets stronger.
Watching women on stage yesterday (just like us, except someone else picked out their jewelry), vulnerably share their personal stories of overcoming, brought tears to my eyes over and over again.
They didn’t need the group therapy; they were sharing their stories in support of the 32,000 other women listening. So we can see ourselves in them, and see a way forward for our lives.
Darkness is a part of all our journeys, that we need to shine through, and heal from.
Through example, we give other women permission to speak their truths out loud to others, and to not be ashamed because they were only lessons or experiences, and we are all human.
Fully understanding that, these women chose to spend their day with us vulnerably sharing themselves and giving beautiful nuggets of wisdom of what helped them at that moment, move forward.
Knowing that supporting 32,000 women will have a magical ripple effect on the universe. Would help us do what we do – take care of everyone else – and ourselves, better.
If you have even done this is small groups, imagine the power of both the vulnerability needed, and the support received in a room of 32,000 women.
So divinely powerful.
Feel better, so you can help someone else feel better. And so on.
Our stories are someone else’s way forward. Someone else’s life-line, how we can support their journey.
The collective power of women is not even close to being realized. As we heal ourselves, we see other women as allies more than comparing ourselves, and know how very much we need each other.
Focusing on ourselves first, healing ourselves in small groups and then supporting and praying for each other, is what it is going to take to heal our generation and impact the next profoundly.
We all shine brighter, together.
That is why it is far from selfish to prioritize and heal yourself. You are connected to everyone else, and you are an important part to this beautiful puzzle.
So gather up your girlfriends, connect and figure out a way to shine through your darkness today. Start the business of healing, what ever that looks like for you today.
“That type of thing happens in most families doesn’t it?” “I had it better than many”. As an intuitive trauma coach, I can tell you that all victims minimize their trauma, in fact it’s a symptom to.
I have coached homeless women struggling with addiction, they are wanting to numb the pain from the most horrific experiences that humanity has to offer. They compare their pain to other women who had it worse, and think there is something wrong with them that they can’t stop using or find work. If these brave warriors do it, for sure we all do.
Like the stay at home Mom who comfort eats to numb the pain of a stressful day. She tells herself that while dysfunctional, her childhood was like many others (which was so long ago now anyway), and if she only had more will power, she would be able to stop comfort eating.
Or the over achieving executive, killing herself to prove her self-worth over and over again. She must not make a mistake, because then everyone will see that she isn’t good enough for the position. Her childhood wasn’t so bad either compared to most (many Dads have tempers). The anxiety is maybe a medical thing. Or perhaps she is going crazy, either way she is certainly not going to tell anyone about it because everyone else has it all together and she is embarrassed she doesn’t.
Sisters – Childhood trauma is so common because we are all raised by struggling humans, and the world just sucks sometimes. Childhood trauma is most of us, but we all think everyone else is dealing with their stuff better than we are.
Trauma can be that one big thing, a period of time or a relatively small thing in our youth. Either way we can identify it because it has a big impact on us and how we view ourselves afterwards. It impacts our self-worth, if we typically feel lonely and how hard on ourselves we are.
This saying states it well :
“Someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water”
Let’s stop minimizing our trauma ladies.
We all deserve love. We all deserve support. We all deserve healing.
There once was a girl who so loved the world, she wanted to make everyone happy in it… she loved her dolls, animals, and family whenever she could. She also had a wild and free spirit and loved to play hard with her brother and friends.
She was intuitive, so when she knew her parents weren’t happy, she often wanted to make things easier for them. She tuned into what that might be and listened carefully to their “Good girl!” praise and conditioning. She was naturally helpful and thoughtful, so would do small things to help her family, which was met of course with praise and compliments.
Whenever she had a moment where she didn’t feel like helping and was thinking of her own comfort or needs, she was quickly corrected “Don’t be so selfish!”. Her parent’s tone made her understand that she should feel some shame around being selfish.
She would visit her grandma on weekends. Her older brother didn’t have to go as often because he didn’t want to, and everyone understood he had plans with his friends.
The little girl learned once again that the plans she had been yearning for didn’t matter, that being loyal and selfless was the better way to be. He was being selfish but it was somehow different for him. Regardless, the little girl understood, her life was about pleasing others, and being selfish was not okay.
Later in life the little girl for all her good deeds and good intentions, found herself struggling with depression and exhausted from decades of trying to please all the people.
She had trained her husband, kids, and pets that she was their go-to and loved them so much she would take care of everything. She had so wanted to be a “good” wife, Mom, sister, daughter, friend, and pet owner and ran on the praise of hearing so. If anyone was ever unhappy though, she felt like a failure, and of course, someone was always unhappy about something.
One day, the little girl woke up exhausted and had a revelation.
Perhaps it wasn’t her job to take care of all the people or to make others happy. Perhaps they had some responsibility too.
Maybe, just maybe, what she wanted for her life mattered too. And in her head, she told everyone to ‘eff off’. She gave herself permission to rediscover that wild and free spirit. She googled the word “fun”.
She repeated at least 4 times a day for months after that, “No!” … and ..”…because I matter too!”.
To her surprise – everyone quickly readjusted to her new self-loving boundaries.
The world kept spinning.
At that moment she realized that she had always been enough, and the need to chase perfection or please others softened.
She smiled to herself, as she snuggled deeper into the comfort of her own skin.
And EVERYONE lived even more happily ever after.
By Joanna Peters
Sink deeper into what it means to fully choose yourself, in A Woman’s word by Joanna:
“Beautiful souls, our time to rise is now. But first we need to stop believing the lie that every other woman has it all together except us”.
Bombarded with unrealistic societal messages about what being successful as a woman looks like, A Woman’s Word is a compelling and refreshing confirmation that we all doubt ourselves, break down in tears, struggle with comparison and wonder if we are ‘enough’ at times.
Joanna Peters has had the honor of standing beside some seriously remarkable warriors on their healing journeys. Leveling the ‘secret shame’ playing field with no topic off-limits, she shares her first-hand account of nine women’s heartwarming, emotional, and empowering healing stories and their brave journeys from darkness to light. She shares their courageous and complicated stories in support of all women, so we can see ourselves in their struggle and find a way forward in our lives.
Too often, our journey to peace is compromised by trying to hide the fact that we are a human with flaws. Darkness is a part of everyone’s journey that needs a light shined through it to heal.
Follow Rosa’s heart-wrenching journey through teen addiction and homelessness, Sophia’s relatable struggle with perfectionism and anxiety in corporate while battling secret shame, or cry with Brenda as she fumbles through motherhood battling depression and devastating grief.
A Woman’s Word shares the raw and empowering true stories of nine brave women healing from the darkness of trauma that beckons and inspires healing, acceptance and self-love in us all.
I watched “Forests” by Our Planet on Netflix last night. I was mesmerized as I watched the incredibly detailed connection and dependency between species and plants work beautifully.
I then saw it get brutally wiped out by fire and human indifference or carelessness.
But guess what guys, that wasn’t the end of the story. I saw it regrow, heal and repopulate often in new ways.
Some plants can’t exist in the forest without the fire that came before it.
Even Chernobyl has been re-vegetated and populated to the food chain level of wolves now.
More than just a metaphor, it’s an accurate reflection of what happens in our heart and soul after loss and hurt.
Which make sense, since we have the same loving powerful creator and we are His (Her/It’s) most prize creation.
Most prize creation – hard to internalize after you watch the beauty and miracles in all of nature, but we are so loved and supported.
We can’t possibly comprehend the ‘why’s or the ‘how’s of life in our brains, but we do have the capacity to learn to love ourselves as much as we are loved, and trust that it’s okay to not know how it’s all going to come together.
God has the power to take care of the rest.
Maybe we aren’t yet where we want to be, or who we want to be; we may be uncomfortable or it may feel like everything is being burned to the ground around us.
But it isn’t the end of the story yet guys.
Little miracles happen around us all day every day.
Unlike the plants though, we have free will, so we do need to ask for help. We need to say “Please help me” or “Show me how to feel more peace and trust”.
Then we need to create the silence in our lives to listen and surrender and learn and heal.
We will regrow, heal and come back a wiser and more resilient version of ourselves; but the real win will be if we also learn to love ourselves harder, if we step closer to Source and surrender a little, perhaps even learn how to reach for and claim moments of peace.
The fire isn’t the end of the story. Ask and receive, and watch the miracles happen ???
I’m quoting myself here, but this one is important. It was my biggest lesson and it took me the longest to learn fully. It winds up being a part of most private coaching sessions, because – frankly, us women stink at knowing this.
Societal conditioning is against us:
“She is such a good Mom” (when she is running herself ragged for others),
“Bless her, such a good wife “(as she is serving him dinner).
How often are we praised for taking care of ourselves?? Not as often for sure. Which is why we must really know this for ourselves sisters!!!
– Pat ourselves on the back for being kind to ourselves and saying “no” to someone.
– Throw ourselves a dance party when we make time for doing something we love.
– Physically hug and compliment ourselves.
– Smile to ourselves as our relationships improve because we know the recipe for connection with others is self-love. They are welcome ?
List of rainy day tips as promised. We all have rainy days. What happens when we hit some hard emotions is that the catabolic energy that is released into our bodies limits the options our mind is usually able to see. We get tunnel vision, and can only see the problem or pain. Save this list of tips of things to do in advance when the blues hit, so you can reach for it and give your beautiful soul these gifts.
Please add to the list in the comments or confirm for others what works for you. 🙂
=> Read pre-written love letter to yourself (see instructions below if needed)
=> Give yourself a dance party
=> Write a love letter to your Source/angels/guides.
=> Pray (connect, ask for help, words not important)
=> Use calm/buddhify/clearfear type mindfulness apps to walk you through naming and processing your emotions.
=> Reach out to someone you love.
=> Get creative in whatever way that means to you (draw, paint, garden, write a poem, look through house magazines or Houzz app).
=> Ground yourself in nature (if you can put your feet on earth, hug a tree, be with a body of water)
=> Get some sun on your face.
=> Get lost looking out at the stars and moon.
=> Move your body (walk, bike, dance etc)
=> List out 10 things you are grateful for and why.
=> Make future plans that you will enjoy.
=> Allow and make space to “sit with/in” strong emotions and allow whatever comes out of it with out self judgement.
=> Cuddle up with your pets.
=> Bake something you love to eat, or order it in.
=> Light your favorite candle and sit and daydream.
=> Take a nap.
=> Stretch your muscles out (see anxiety stretches)
=> Take a bath/shower – use the good products.
=> Make a list of places you would like to visit.
=> Browse photos of loved ones.
=> Burn your favorite essential oils.
=> Reach for your favorite crystals.
I’d love to hear what other things works for you in the comments below!!
How do you know if you are “SOUL TIRED” vs exhausted and in need of a vacation?
The tricky part of answering this question is that a large majority of us are both.
Decades of social conditioning has created an epidemic of women who consider that taking care of others before their physical needs is expected.
We are all running around meeting even the cat’s needs before our own. People pleasing, a fear of disappointing others and our own unsustainable standards have many of us considering a pee break at work a personal self-care luxury.
For more on how to stop that madness, stay tuned. Just know that if any of that felt familiar, you are likely walking around dehydrated, somewhat malnourished and likely aren’t getting quality or enough sleep. That all adds up to being plain old exhausted.
So, what’s soul tired?
Some symptoms of soul tired are:
=>You struggle to feel passion for anything positive
=>You feel tired and lack enthusiasm even at beginning of day, but you are a champ at pushing through.
=>You feel like your life is a long list of ‘to-dos’
=>You are not sure you are measuring up.
=>Sad is in the background for you, even when happy things are happening around you.
=>You have disconnected from your body, nothing affects you emotionally for days or weeks, then you explode in resentment and anger over everyone you love over something small.
=>You feel foggy and lost, not sure what your passions are any more or what would light you up even if you were to make time for yourself. You pretend to enjoy what others enjoy, its not about you and that’s fine.
If any of this feels familiar, you are soul tired or soul weary. It is your soul that requires attention.
We are spiritual beings connected to each other and nature and the Universal Source (God, Love, Light…). Our souls need that connection. Your soul needs to feel loved and heard and honored as the unique and special expression of Source that you are. You may be wanting your partner to meet this need for you, but you would be looking in the wrong place.
Your soul needs to sit with nature and feel supported by it or be able to dance or laugh or just stare at the stars. When you are connected to the universe, however you do it and whatever you call it, you feel alive and unique and special. You know where you fit and it feels joyful and fun.
Many of us deprioritize ourselves in the service of others, don’t make time for what lights us up or simply fall out of the habit of connecting to our own souls quietly. Or perhaps we have turned some of what could help us (praying, meditating, mindfulness exercises, nature walks etc) into “to-dos” on our long list.
If so, they become things we ‘have to’ or “should” do (if only we had the time) instead of things we “get to” do. Once we do that our inner resistance and internal struggle begins and we actually commit to not doing it whether it is on the list or not.
If any of this resonates, please make a quiet promise to yourself that this nonsense ends now!
Ask for help even if you aren’t sure who or what is listening to you. “Universe, please help me to find ways to enjoy feeding my soul”.
You are so special, quirky and unique. You were made that way on purpose, truly a perfect master piece. Listen to all the different aspects of you that want to play differently – your creative side, your need to recharge and be alone more, or perhaps that wild side.
Love and honor all the different parts of yourself. Allow yourself over time to love doing it, love the feeling of honoring yourself and to choose it first over anything else, because you deserve it.
Much love,
Joanna Peters
Ps. If no soul lifting activities are coming to you right away, check out my “Rainy day gifts to your soul” list for some simple ideas to get started and see if they work for you./”:
