Here’s a super subtle thing I teach, that winds up making all the difference in the world to a girl’s self-perception, inner confidence and divine connection:
There is a difference between ‘the truth’ (Divine truth) Vs what ‘feels true’ (wounded truth) about ourselves.
For example: Wounded truth: Feels true that “I am alone. If I am fully myself no one will like me” Divine Truth – “I am loved and supported. When I am fully ‘me’, I attract who I am meant to”
Another example: Wounded truth: “I need to work hard to prove myself and earn respect and approval” Divine Truth: “I am already enough, loved and supported”
So, what is a “Wounded Truth”?
Wounded truths are stories our minds came up with when we were younger to explain or rationalize life events; they attempt to cover or protect us from subconscious wounds. They feel super true even though they also make us sad.
Conversely, wound-free and connected to Source, our higher selves know how loved we are and that the life event was perhaps a lesson, but had nothing to do with our worth.
I can intuitively see and feel my client’s wounded stories about themselves, as well as which wound is causing the confusion and creating the disconnection from self-love.
This is an important topic in my REVIVE group coaching program. We look at which wounded truth is most in our way, and keeping us ‘stuck’ right now.
We also cover in REVIVE: How to reconnect to our intuition and KNOW which is divine guidance compared to a wounded mindset trying to protect us.
Those who sign up for August’s program by August 5th, will also be getting my Inner Child Connection work-book, a tool I created to support uncovering and healing wounds at home.
I hope you join us in REVIVE soon! Sending so much love, Joanna
When my kids were little, I tried so hard to have patience. Everyone would tell me how patient I was, but they weren’t around in that moment when I lost it. That moment where my head would start to spin and I was outside of my body watching, as this lady I barely recognized yelled and screeched things.
Five minutes before that scene, I would be overtired and resentful for all the times they pushed my boundaries that day, yet would still be trying to keep a patient and fun tone with them.
Then later would come the shame attack. When they were in bed and resembling angels again: “I blew it – we had such a lovely day and this is how it had to end” self-talk with “They are only little for a short while; have more patience!” to top it all off.
It was lovingly brought to my attention around that time: “Jo, you don’t need to be more patient, you need to be LESS patient!”
I want to share my lessons in being “overly patient,” especially during this time when so many families are cooped up together and moms everywhere are understandably losing it and feeling bad.
When my kids were small, I was missing an extremely important element to my parenting: I matter too.
When I remember that I matter too, I monitor my own happiness throughout the day, as closely as I do my children’s, and I speak up about my needs before I turn into an overtired and resentful version of myself.
Here’s the personal check-in concept that helps me around patience:
Feeling resentment and anger usually means I need to review my boundaries.
Or, what did I want to say “no” to and said “yes” to instead?
The key I learned to not becoming resentful and angry was taking care of my physical, emotional and spiritual needs during the day, too. Cutting off their playtime when I was tired, saying “no” to the extra game of tumble purely because I was finding it annoying, and stepping up my parenting to include immediate consequences for whining.
Saying “no” to my kids more meant I had to energy to say “yes” to myself in other ways, like having the clarity of mind to make healthier food choices, or choose a 5-minute meditation in the bathroom. All of which served to keep everyone happier. I got a handle on it when they were little, and I’m so glad I did because it was a necessary warmup for the teen years. Not only did I need to remember that I matter, but I had to learn to guard my personal boundaries like my sanity depended on it, because it very much did.
I think we all get that one child – the one who makes you earn your mommy badge. The teen version of mine, perhaps a lawyer in training, would ask repeatedly and in multiple ways for whatever thing he was hyperfocused on that day. I would say “no” and explain “why,” then say “no,” and explain “why” again; then later say “still no” and “here’s why.” He wanted what he wanted, regardless of the words coming out of my mouth. At times I felt bullied by his persistence, and my tone would switch to annoyed and defensive, and then I would lose my patience. Then I would feel bad.
Thankfully with age comes wisdom and healing. It didn’t take many rounds of this for me to remember that feeling angry and resentful was my personal indicator that I needed a boundaries recheck. I matter too, and this behavior was not OK.
The problem was that I was being overly patient with his bad behavior.
The version of me that wants to keep everyone happy, even at the cost of herself, does shows up sometimes, but I quickly remind her that her experience of life matters, too.
When I checked in with myself, I was resentful and annoyed by the behavior of my son repeatedly asking and not listening to my very thoughtful and fair reasons for saying “no.” If I felt like I was being bullied, I was. So, I set a new boundary around this behavior and a consequence. If he asked me something more than once, and I felt I had provided an adequate explanation, he lost his phone.
He still loses his phone a lot. This didn’t change his personality during these teen years, but it does keep my sanity. I even choose to be a little amused by it. I admire his persistence; it will serve him well one day. He does not however, get to rob my peace with his antics. I set that boundary and I guard it fiercely. While he stomps around phoneless in his room, I am sipping my coffee in peace, self-reflecting on a job well done.
To fellow peacekeeping, overly patient, people-pleasers out there, may this be a reminder to establish your boundaries and/or recommit to them with all the people in your life, especially in these hard times.
If your home just turned into a full-time office for 2, a school for reluctant, messy kids who miss their friends, and a live-in chef and cleaner wasn’t part of the deal, then something has to give – other than your sanity.
If you were struggling with anxiety or fighting off depression before this, this is important.
Even if you weren’t though, this is a big deal and you deserve to create some space to process your emotions around it. Just a break.
The break comes from to ‘letting go’ of some busy work, while maintaining your values so you keep your peace and create the space to heal your emotions.
Within each of us we have a bunch of rules in our heads about
how we would prefer to live and what daily success means, our partner has
another version, our parents had theirs and society has a bunch of “shoulds”
sprinkled on top just for fun.
Here’s the thing though my love, this is your life. You can do
whatever you want. For real.
We all experience “survival only” times of our lives, and this
is for sure one for them.
You know you are in one when your heart hurts, your brain is
melting and you want to crawl under the covers for a while or move dimensions.
This too shall pass, and when it does you can ramp up again and live your best life according to that circumstance.
For now though, be kind to yourself and cross some things off that to-do list, and have fun doing it – no guilt!
There are no rules here, this is a truly personal thing.
Here are some examples though:
For the next week I will:
– Do one thing that makes me happy every day, even if it makes
– Accept less work effort from my kids, there are
– Close doors on rooms I release myself from cleaning during
– Make a request for help from someone.
– Reach out to support others, seek connection.
– Hide the vacuum
– Only cook and do dishes
– Stick my hair together with dry shampoo and put it up.
– Declare kitchen as ‘self-serve’, help yourselves!
Discern what taking it down a level might look like for you,
evaluate if it adds or decreases stress to you in making that change.
If maintaining a higher standard is coming from pleasing others,
notice that and evaluate accordingly. (note: YOU matter).
Pray/meditate/take walks in nature, to gain perspective and ask
for spiritual support.
Love yourself so fiercely that once you have a vision of what
this could look like, speak up for it and say “and so it is”.
Your core values, when boiled down, most likely don’t include
many “to-dos” to execute. They are typically ways of being (loving, kindness
So consider giving yourself a break AND allow yourself to feel
good about it. Getting intentional relieves guilt.
You are divinely supported and loved. You are enough regardless
of how you handle this challenging time, so what do you want and need this next
week to look like?
You deserve to make whatever that is, happen for yourself.
I watched “Forests” by Our Planet on Netflix last night. I was mesmerized as I watched the incredibly detailed connection and dependency between species and plants work beautifully.
I then saw it get brutally wiped out by fire and human indifference or carelessness.
But guess what guys, that wasn’t the end of the story. I saw it regrow, heal and repopulate often in new ways.
Some plants can’t exist in the forest without the fire that came before it.
Even Chernobyl has been re-vegetated and populated to the food chain level of wolves now.
More than just a metaphor, it’s an accurate reflection of what happens in our heart and soul after loss and hurt.
Which make sense, since we have the same loving powerful creator and we are His (Her/It’s) most prize creation.
Most prize creation – hard to internalize after you watch the beauty and miracles in all of nature, but we are so loved and supported.
We can’t possibly comprehend the ‘why’s or the ‘how’s of life in our brains, but we do have the capacity to learn to love ourselves as much as we are loved, and trust that it’s okay to not know how it’s all going to come together.
God has the power to take care of the rest.
Maybe we aren’t yet where we want to be, or who we want to be; we may be uncomfortable or it may feel like everything is being burned to the ground around us.
But it isn’t the end of the story yet guys.
Little miracles happen around us all day every day.
Unlike the plants though, we have free will, so we do need to ask for help. We need to say “Please help me” or “Show me how to feel more peace and trust”.
Then we need to create the silence in our lives to listen and surrender and learn and heal.
We will regrow, heal and come back a wiser and more resilient version of ourselves; but the real win will be if we also learn to love ourselves harder, if we step closer to Source and surrender a little, perhaps even learn how to reach for and claim moments of peace.
The fire isn’t the end of the story. Ask and receive, and watch the miracles happen ???