a woman’s guide to self-love and survival during hard seasons

a woman’s guide to self-love and survival during hard seasons

We all experience “survival only” times of our lives; a pandemic is for sure one for them, especially when you add whatever hard thing you were already walking through.

You know you are in such a season when your heart hurts, your brain is melting, and you want to crawl under the covers for a while or move dimensions.

‘This too shall pass,’ and when it does, you can ramp up again and live your best life according to that circumstance.

For now, it’s essential to give yourself a break as much as you can.  Perhaps you have already let some things go – good for you!

I hope that you have also released the guilt of not keeping up with your regular life.

 Letting go of some of the things that seemed important before will create the space you need to heal your emotions – but only if you fully embrace having no guilt at all about doing so.

You get to choose how you survive this period.

Your core values, when boiled down, most likely don’t include many “to-dos” to execute. They are typically ways of being (loving, kindness, etc.).

So be kind to yourself and cross some more things off that to-do list, have fun doing it!

 You are divinely supported and loved. You are worthy regardless of how you handle this challenging time, so what do you want and need this next week to look like?

There are no rules here, and this is a truly personal thing. Here are some examples, though:

 

For the next week, I will:

  • Accept less work effort from my kids. They are struggling/adapting too.
  • Close doors on rooms, I release myself from cleaning during this time.
  • Request help from someone.
  • Reach out to support others, seek connection.
  • Hide the vacuum
  • Only cook and do dishes.
  • Stick your hair together with dry shampoo and put it up.
  • Declare kitchen as ‘self-serve’; help yourselves!

 Within each of us, we have many rules in our heads about how we would ideally prefer to live and what daily success means. Our partner has another version of those rules. Our parents had theirs, and society has many “shoulds” sprinkled on top just for fun.

 Here’s the thing, though, my love, this is your life. You can do whatever you want –for real.

 Discern what taking it down a level might look like for you in an area of your life, evaluate if it adds or decreases stress to you in making that change.

 If maintaining a higher standard is coming from pleasing others, notice that and evaluate accordingly. (Loving reminder: YOU matter).

Since you have not added the typical layer of guilt or “I am failing/I am a mess” self-talk that would be making you feel worse, you will have created the needed space for healing.

Here are some ideas to process your emotions and heal:

  • Pray/meditate
  • Journal out your thoughts freely about all the things.
  • Take walks in nature to gain perspective and ask for spiritual support.
  • Do one thing that makes you happy every day, even if it makes no sense.

And finally, please love yourself so fiercely that once you have a vision of what this could look like, speak up for it and say, “and so it is.”

You deserve to make whatever that is, happen for yourself.

 I am sending so much love to you during this time!

Joanna Peters, Coach & Author: Guiding soul weary women to heal from their painful pasts, shed shame and finally live with the peace and self-love they deserve. 

 

would you like to be validated and inspired by other women who have walked through hard seasons?

In my book “A Woman’s Word”, you will get a first-hand account of 9 brave women courageously rebuilding their lives in every sense after walking through some of the hardest things that humanity has to endure – you will fall in love with, identify with, and root for these real women.  

By reading A Women’s Word readers are sure to be inspired and encouraged.  Joanna eloquently shares deeply heroic, empowering stories. I have to tell you—when I got to the last line, I cheered out loud! – Elizabeth D, Editor Balboa Press. 

HOW TO INTEGRATE SPIRITUAL SUPPORT INTO YOUR BUSY LIFE

HOW TO INTEGRATE SPIRITUAL SUPPORT INTO YOUR BUSY LIFE

I received this vision a while ago while I was venting to a friend in complete frustration. I knew I wanted to connect to spirit and receive more, yet “in actuality,” I vented, “I zig and zag to complete exhaustion!” – ah-ha. That felt big to understand.

When we are putting others first, it’s super common to find ourselves running from task to obligation, hoping to schedule some time to ourselves at some point “later” to recharge.

The longer we put off the connection by doing more tasks or obligations first, the worse we feel, and the larger our need becomes to rest. We then start to believe we don’t have the time to dedicate to our mental, spiritual and emotional wellness because we imagine it will take an afternoon to feel better, which we don’t have.

The misconception is that we need a large chunk of time to reconnect.

The vision I received was the zig and zag in this visual below. We are to develop the habit of weaving moments into our day to receive spiritual connection and support, thus clearing fear regularly, receiving love and support from the Divine, and promoting overall wellness.

We are not designed to do this alone!

 During these pit-stops, remind yourself to Breathe mindfully, Connect (to your body and then Spirit) and Receive (spiritual love and support).

From a reconnected state with a higher vibration, you can choose a new mindset for your next task.

The new mindset will likely feel lighter in your body and create more desirable results in your life.

Ways to open portals to connect and receive the ‘one-minute positive energy boosts’ include:

 

  • Simply say ‘help, please reconnect me to your love and support’.
  • Send up a prayer/request for support
  • Listen to your favorite worship music
  • Listen to any music that lights you up
  • Imagine yourself being visually cleansed with white light being poured down.
  • Essential oils
  • Hold crystals and set intention for what you need them to do
  • Put your hand on your heart and recite your favorite mindset affirmations
  • Step into nature of any kind, and BE with it.  
  • Cuddle a pet

Don’t leave it until you are exhausted and about to “lose it”, before you use some of these tools to support you. Or in other words:

 The Zig-Zag Method – Use it or or “lose it!” 

Sending so much love,

Joanna Peters, Coach & Author: Guiding soul weary women to heal from their painful pasts, shed shame and finally live with the peace and self-love they deserve.

do you know what is causing your personal exhaustion?

If you want to gain a complete picture of what inner traits are draining you the most right now take my signature Quiz.

After the 2 minute quiz, I will send you more goodies tailored to the top three causes for your exhaustion, including a personalized report.

How to know when your strong emotions are lying to you

How to know when your strong emotions are lying to you

Here’s a super subtle thing I teach, that winds up making all the difference in the world to a girl’s self-perception, inner confidence, and divine connection:

There is a difference between ‘the truth’ (Divine truth) Vs what ‘feels true (wounded truth) about ourselves.

For example:

Wounded truth: Feels true that “I am alone. If I am fully myself no one will like me.”
Divine Truth – “I am loved and supported. When I am fully ‘me’, I attract who I am meant to.”

Another example:

Wounded truth: “I need to work hard to prove myself and earn respect and approval”
Divine Truth: “I am already enough, loved and supported.”

 So, what is a “Wounded Truth”?

Wounded truths are stories our minds came up with when we were younger to explain or rationalize life events; they attempt to cover or protect us from subconscious wounds.

They feel super true even though they also make us sad, because they were built from self-doubt.

Conversely, wound-free and connected to Source, our higher selves know how loved we are and that the difficult life event was perhaps a lesson, but had nothing to do with our self-worth.

I can intuitively see and feel my client’s wounded stories about themselves, as well as which wound is causing the confusion and creating the disconnection from self-love.

This is an important topic in my REVIVE group coaching and soul support program. We look at which wounded truth is most in our way, and keeping us ‘stuck’ right now.

We also cover in REVIVE: How to reconnect to our intuition and KNOW which is divine guidance compared to a wounded mindset trying to protect us.

Whatever difficult emotion is coming up for you, a great question to ask yourself is – What am I thinking this situation is saying about me?

It typically isn’t the current event itself, but a deeper and older wound being triggered causing your intense emotional reaction. 

When you know your triggers, awareness brings with it the ability to heal and change our life experience. 

Breathe beautiful, I’m sending so much love to you as you navigate your journey! 

Joanna Peters, Coach & Author: Guiding soul weary women to heal from their painful pasts, shed shame and finally live with the peace and self-love they deserve. 

 

would you like to be validated and inspired by other women who have walked through hard seasons?

In my book “A Woman’s Word”, you will get a first-hand account of 9 brave women courageously rebuilding their lives in every sense after walking through some of the hardest things that humanity has to endure – you will fall in love with, identify with, and root for these real women.  

By reading A Women’s Word readers are sure to be inspired and encouraged.  Joanna eloquently shares deeply heroic, empowering stories. I have to tell you—when I got to the last line, I cheered out loud! – Elizabeth D, Editor Balboa Press. 

what if you aren’t lacking patience, but boundaries?

what if you aren’t lacking patience, but boundaries?

When my kids were little, I tried so hard to have patience. Everyone would tell me how patient I was, but they weren’t around at that moment when I lost it. That moment where my head would start to spin and I was outside of my body watching, as this lady I barely recognized yelled and screeched things at my precious babies.

 Five minutes before that scene, I would be overtired and resentful for all the times they pushed my boundaries that day, yet I would still be trying to keep a patient and fun tone with them.

 Then later would come the shame attack. When they were in bed and resembling angels again, my mean voice would take over: “I blew it – we had such a lovely day and this is how it had to end” …the mean voice wasn’t finished…. “They are only little for a short while; I need to have more patience!.”

 Observing me with my children around that time, my Mum lovingly brought to my attention that I had it backward: “Jo, you don’t need to be more patient, you need to be LESS patient!”. I wasn’t clear yet what that would look like.

I want to share my lessons in being “overly patient,” especially during this time when so many families are cooped up together and moms everywhere are understandably losing it and feeling bad.

When my kids were small, I was missing an extremely important element to my parenting – that I matter too.

When I remember that I matter too, I monitor my own happiness throughout the day, as closely as I do my children’s, and I speak up about my needs before I turn into an overtired and resentful version of myself.

 

Here’s the personal check-in concept that helps me around patience:

Feeling resentment and anger usually means I need to review my boundaries.

  • What did I want to say “no” to and said “yes” to instead?
  • Who need I need to speak up to?

For me, this included cutting off their playtime when I was tired, saying “no” to the extra game of tumble purely because I was finding it annoying (and that was okay!), and stepping up my parenting to include immediate consequences for whining.

Saying “no” to my kids more meant I had to energy to say “yes” to myself in other ways, like having the clarity of mind to make healthier food choices, or choose a 5-minute meditation in the bathroom. All of which served to keep everyone happier.

The other key I learned to not becoming resentful and angry was taking care of my physical, emotional and spiritual needs during the day, too (for more on that click here). 

I got a handle on speaking up about my boundaries when my kids were little, and I’m so glad I did because it was a necessary warmup for the teen years. Not only do I need to remember that I matter, but I have to guard my personal boundaries like my sanity depends on it, because it very much does!

I think we all get that one child – the one who makes you earn your mommy badge. The pre-teen version of mine, perhaps a lawyer in training, would ask repeatedly and in multiple ways for whatever thing he was hyper focused on that day.

 I would say “no” and explain “why,” – then say “no,” and explain “why” again. Then later say “still no” and “here’s why.” It was exhausting. He wanted what he wanted, regardless of the words coming out of my mouth.

 At times I felt bullied by his persistence, and my tone would switch to annoyed and defensive, and then I would lose my patience. Then I would feel bad.

 Thankfully with age comes wisdom and healing. It didn’t take many rounds of this for me to remember that feeling angry and resentful was my personal indicator that I needed a boundaries recheck. I matter too, and this behavior was not OK.

 The problem was that I was being overly patient with his bad behavior.

 So, I set a new boundary around this behavior and a consequence. If he asked me something more than once, and I felt I had provided an adequate explanation, he lost his phone immediately.

 He still loses his phone a lot. I even choose to be a little amused by it. I admire his persistence; it will serve him well one day.

 He does not, however, get to rob my peace with his antics. I set that boundary and I guard it fiercely. While he stomps around phoneless in his room, I am sipping my coffee in peace, self-reflecting on a job well done.

So, to my fellow peacekeeping, overly patient, people-pleasers out there, may this be a reminder to establish your boundaries and/or recommit to them with all the people in your life, especially in these hard times.

If would also encourage you to take the Exhaustion Matrix Quiz below, to reveal which other personal traits are creating unnecessary stress in your life. In addition to your detail personal report, you will receive additional tips and tools to help you work back to a state of ‘flow’ in your life. 

Sending so much love,

Joanna Peters, Coach & Author: Guiding soul weary women to heal from their painful pasts, shed shame and finally live with the peace and self-love they deserve.

 

Originally posted on The MOPS Blog

I Matter, Too

 

    do you know what is causing your personal exhaustion?

    If you want to gain a complete picture of what inner traits are draining you the most right now take my signature Quiz.

    After the 2 minute quiz, I will send you more goodies tailored to the top three causes for your exhaustion, including a personalized report.

    How to know when you need to step up your boundaries game.

    How to know when you need to step up your boundaries game.

    Did you know that many women equate saying ‘no’ with ‘I don’t care about you’?

    If you struggle with speaking up about what you want, often feeling like your relationships are not reciprocal, you are not alone, my friend! That big old heart of yours is playing tricks on you, and as a recovering people pleaser – I’ve got you.

    Boundaries are either taught to you, and you are encouraged to use them growing up, or – like me, you reach exhaustion at some point and start researching what you are doing wrong!

    When you don’t set healthy boundaries, you are at the mercy of others – how much they ask of you, what makes them happy – you are letting someone else decides how you feel or should act.

    You may tell yourself that this is “okay” for a while, but you are human, and your soul will become lost, disappointed, sad, and more resentful the longer this continues.

    Boundaries are a good thing!!

    They are not about telling others that you don’t care about them or being selfish or mean.

    They are how you define your relationship with YOURSELF.

    They help honor YOUR needs, feelings, and values.

    What is important to you matters. Who will represent and protect those essential personal needs, if not yourself?

     

    Boundaries, when used well, protect your joy and conserve your energy. They make you a better version of yourself, which benefits everyone you are in a relationship with too!

    The first important step in setting boundaries is learning more about yourself – your true self.

    Letting go of, perhaps, the version of you that others have needed or wanted you to be in the past.

    For example:

    If you were praised in the past for helping people, maybe you do that often, and it does make you happy – until it doesn’t, because you need your own space to recharge sometimes too.

    There is no right or wrong with boundary setting. You make the rules and get to decide how people treat you, how they behave around you and what they can expect from you.

    If you have been running on empty like me and suspect you need to step up your boundary game, the next step is to uncover what is behind the exhausted feeling. When left unchecked, many inner traits exacerbate the hard things we are going through.  

    I invite you to take my 2-minute quiz below to identify what your Exhaustion Archetype is; I will explain how the shadow aspect of your archetype may be draining you and will send you free tools on how to create the life you want, personalized to your results.

    You matter! 

    Sending so much love,

    Joanna Peters, Coach & Author: Guiding soul weary women to heal from their painful pasts, shed shame and finally live with the peace and self-love they deserve.

    do you know what is causing your personal exhaustion?

    If you want to gain a complete picture of what inner traits are draining you the most right now take my signature Quiz.

    After the 2 minute quiz, I will send you more goodies tailored to the top three causes for your exhaustion, including a personalized report.

    I let go of things I cant control – wait, how to do I do that again?

    I let go of things I cant control – wait, how to do I do that again?

    I remember feeling as a little girl, when my Dad was driving us somewhere, that I was totally safe. Lying down in the back seat in the 70’s without a seat belt was peaceful for me.  I knew my job was to rest in his care, and I did so completely.

     I like to remember this feeling often, and remind myself that I can – when I remember – feel safe now, because my higher power is driving.

     Frequently however, I wake up from my slumber in the back seat of life, and try to grab the wheel back from my higher power. 

     I do this all the time! I imagine myself fighting for the wheel, and then being gently and lovingly reminded to trust Him.

     In these moments, I have to gently remind myself – again, that I am not the managing director of the universe. That He’s got this. 

     As an adult, I can get super anxious and sad about ‘all the things’  – from a news story to climate change, so I have to work hard at managing my emotions on a daily basis. 

     Just because the thought entered my head and I have compassion around it, that doesn’t make it my responsibility.

    I also need to remind myself often that worrying doesn’t count as action taken to resolve anything. 

     I believe that we are all given different concerns and empathy levels to motivate us to take inspired action, it can be a good thing!

     But drawing the line between acting on that ‘nudge’, and living in a state of worry and overwhelm can be a challenge for many of us.

     The ‘nudge’ about which things we care about is our intuition, so deepening this connection is key to being able to discern both the direction of where you are being guided, and to what extent your involvement is required in that area.

     Without this important piece developed, we are often left spinning in deep caring and empathy, with an overwhelming to-do list.  

    Reasons you may not be hearing your intellect clearly include:

     

    • Past wounds have you doubt or mistrust either yourself, or that you are loved and supported.
    • You value your intellect so both your ego and your rational mind are louder.
    • You habitually disconnect from your body because the feels have been uncomfortable in there in the past.

    Working to heal yourself and deepen this connection is critical to your peace, my love!

    After doing ‘all I can’, whatever that means to me personally, I then use various tools I have created to say ‘no’ to my worry thoughts and implement my emotional self-care steps.

    So, my love, the thing in the world that you are worried about right now, did you practically do all you can? (whatever that looks like to you), are you being responsible in the world around you as it impacts others? Think. Make a list. Check it off.

    Absolutely do what is within your control to make a positive impact, taking some action steps will help you feel fulfilled and ease your anxiety. 

    It’s the part after the action step we sometimes miss. Which is letting go of the responsibility of the larger outcome, and working on our emotional self-care. 

    You are not the managing director of the universe, thankfully your higher power has that job.

    When your mind wanders to something that you can’t control, gently remind yourself that you don’t need to micro manage your higher power, and yes, He/The Universe did already think of that too.

    Letting go is hard! (see my personal struggle with surrender here), but once we let go, our main job is then to look after ourselves. 

    We are important to this world. When we take our emotional self-care seriously, we can show up for others as our best selves.

    Self-care might be turning off the TV with the triggering news and playing a board game with the family, meditation or prayer, or perhaps reading a fun book or cuddling with our pets.

    You deserve and are meant to access and embody peace! 

    Breathe, create your peace and enjoy it.

    Joanna Peters, Coach & Author: Guiding soul weary women to heal from their painful pasts, shed shame and finally live with the peace and self-love they deserve. 

     

    would you like to be validated and inspired by other women who have walked through hard seasons?

    In my book “A Woman’s Word”, you will get a first-hand account of 9 brave women courageously rebuilding their lives in every sense after walking through some of the hardest things that humanity has to endure – you will fall in love with, identify with, and root for these real women.  

    By reading A Women’s Word readers are sure to be inspired and encouraged.  Joanna eloquently shares deeply heroic, empowering stories. I have to tell you—when I got to the last line, I cheered out loud! – Elizabeth D, Editor Balboa Press.