Do you balk at having to say ‘no’, sometimes feel you are not being heard or get resentful for doing more than your share?
You are not alone my friend! That big old heart of yours is playing tricks on you, and as a recovering people pleaser – I’ve got you.
Boundaries are either taught to you, and you are encouraged to use them growing up, or – like me, you reach exhaustion at some point and start researching what you are doing wrong!
When you don’t set healthy boundaries, you are at the mercy of others – how much they ask of you, what makes them happy – you are letting someone else decide how you feel or should act.
You may tell yourself this is “okay” for a while, but you are human and your soul will become lost, unfulfilled, sad and more resentful the longer this way of being continues.
Boundaries are a good thing!!
They are not about excluding others, being selfish or mean. They are how you define your relationship with YOURSELF.
They help honor YOUR needs, feelings and values.
The things that are important to YOU matter, and who is going to define and protect those important personal needs, if not yourself?
Boundaries when used well protect your joy and conserve your energy. They make you a better version of yourself, which benefits everyone you are in a relationship with too!
A first important step in setting boundaries, is learning more about yourself – your true self. Letting go of, perhaps, the version of you that others have needed or wanted you to be in the past.
If you were praised in the past for helping people, maybe you do that often and it does make you happy – until it doesn’t, because you want your own space to recharge sometimes too.
Perhaps in a relationship he loves sports and you loved being a part of that with him, but how much do YOU love sports, and how much time would you like that in your life now? What lights YOU up?
If like me, you have been running on empty – without boundaries, to the extent you feel lost when you ask yourself who you are and what you want, a back-to-basics exercise is required.
If this sounds like you, I invite you to download my FREE “Know yourself on a soul level” personal work-book here.
I put together this workbook because only going back to this level of “basics” was what helped me recover from codependent relationships, and people pleasing to exhaustion.
I gift it to my soul sisters for free, because women losing themselves is an epidemic that is extremely saddening to me.
Sometimes we simply grow and change, or sometimes we battle our way out of abusive relationships and need to re-set and relearn about ourselves, as of now.
Your core beliefs, values and perspective (given your personal experiences on life) are what goes into knowing how to set your boundaries. If these are foggy, then this ‘step back’ is for you.
Learn more about this free personal workbook here
More on Boundaries:
There is no right or wrong with boundary setting. You make the rules and get to decide how people treat you, how they behave around you and what they can expect from you.
Examples of personal boundaries:
I’m comfortable holding hands and cuddling, but not when we are out with my work friends.
I want and need some quiet time to myself at the weekend.
You can email me about your work events, but please don’t add me to your group texts.
Watching one sports event per weekend is my limit.
I have no problem watching your kids for you, but please send them with lunch.
I am not comfortable the way you are talking to me, if it continues, I will leave.
Please, no jokes about xyz when I am around. I don’t find them funny.
I can come, but not every weekend.
That doesn’t work for me, here is another idea.
I promised myself I would spend more time doing xyz this year, and if I say yes to that, I can’t do xyz.
My family time/alone time/working out is important to me.