I don’t know about you but I’m kinda stubborn. Surrendering anything is super hard for me. Control in parenting, choice of paint color, anything.
The curse of the recovering perfectionist.
In addition to that personality trait, my childhood experience had me toughen up and take responsibility for things I shouldn’t have at an early age, which can be a hard habit to shake.
That type of experience also tends to have us put up some protection walls somewhere, that makes words like “vulnerability” or “surrender” be less desirable than ‘strong’ and ‘powerful”.
It’s a little funny how I came to the ‘surrender realization’ I am talking about.
The boring song was repeating that same verse over and over again..(I had such an attitude) “I sur-render. All to you. All to you”
Physically feeling spirit pour into my veins, head spinning and my heart pumped with loving energy and support instantly.
Tears were coming to my eyes, although like the warrior I was, I was trying to swallow them down so no one saw or knew I was crying.
I feel that powerful loving energy when any faith is praying, my Jewish and Muslim friends access the same energy. We are so loved.
I know this to the core of my being, yet there are days I feel overwhelmed and throw a tantrum. Why?
Because I am human and this surrendering thing is super hard!
We have to do it daily and our ego hates it.
If we want to BE in control (which ego does, because we feel it is in our best interests and protects us), we wind up FEELING in control and responsible – that is – to have the weight of the universe on our shoulders.
I like to call that process ‘promoting myself to managing director of the universe’. I feel responsible for the outcome of all the things around me, and get overwhelmed.
Then my thoughts escalate to things like “how am I going to get this done? Will it be good enough? Will I fail?
I continue to add more thoughts to this ever growing overwhelm, increasing my anxiety, until I remember – finally – that I am not actually the managing director of the universe. (phew!)
My job is to:
- Take my little action step, then surrender and trust.
- Trust that He (God/the Universe) is better at this than me.
- Trust that since He created the entire universe, He can probably handle my situation.
- Trust that his way will work out even better than the version I am trying to ‘strong arm’ into existence.
- Trust in His timing (my personal worst struggle, I’m so impatient).
- Breathe and trust. That’s how this whole thing works best for everyone. Especially when things on earth here are super hard, we need to do our part, then let go.
So when I remember, here is what I know to be true, and it’s the opposite to the way my brain is naturally wired –
The hardest thing possible for a human to do is to trust something, or someone enough to surrender our ego’s will.
Faith therefore takes tremendous continuous strength, not weakness.
The challenge, daily, is to quit the self-appointed position of being the managing director of the universe, in exchange for being divinely loved and supported instead.
Doesn’t seem so bad a trade when I remember.
If any of this resonated with you, I invite you to take the quiz below to determine which inner traits are currently blocking you from living in flow and connection with yourself and the universe.
Sending so much love,
Joanna Peters, Coach & Author: Guiding soul weary women to heal from their painful pasts, shed shame and finally live with the peace and self-love they deserve.
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