by Joanna Peters | Dec 21, 2019 | Random Thoughts
I’m quoting myself here, but this one is important. It was my biggest lesson and it took me the longest to learn fully. It winds up being a part of most private coaching sessions, because – frankly, us women stink at knowing this.
Societal conditioning is against us:
“She is such a good Mom” (when she is running herself ragged for others),
“Bless her, such a good wife “(as she is serving him dinner).
How often are we praised for taking care of ourselves?? Not as often for sure. Which is why we must really know this for ourselves sisters!!!
– Pat ourselves on the back for being kind to ourselves and saying “no” to someone.
– Throw ourselves a dance party when we make time for doing something we love.
– Physically hug and compliment ourselves.
– Smile to ourselves as our relationships improve because we know the recipe for connection with others is self-love. They are welcome ?
by Joanna Peters | Dec 18, 2019 | Healing Tools
I really am.
but sometimes I forget.
Self Reflection – It’s one of my favorite tools I want to share, so you can remind yourself you are strong too when you forget.
A tool to remember, to find the truth behind your fears. Remember all you have been through? that time when…. You still showed up every day and did your best? right? – You are ah-mazing!!
When we are ‘mind looping’ on our fears…”I am not sure I can get through this”, “I don’t know how”, ”I am not sure I am (smart, young, strong..) enough” etc. These are fear thoughts, and they themselves trigger the feeling of overwhelm and it can happen in seconds.
They aren’t the truth, but they sure feel like it once they have triggered our anxiety and insecurities. It is those fear thoughts from our brains that release catabolic energy into our bodies, make our brain foggy for solutions and make us want to curl up in bed or stay on the couch.
We forget who we are for a moment.
It’s not that the thoughts themselves are true, but once the thoughts have created low vibrational emotions, we use that as confirmation that the thoughts must be true. Yet we have created the whole experience for ourselves. Self-doubt itself is therefore often self-fulfilling.
The good news is that once you suspect they might just be fear thoughts and not truth, you can teach yourself to interrupt these thoughts.
Question them by asking yourself, “How true is that?”.
You can then self-reflect to find the answer. Think about past situations you worked your way through. Accomplishments you are proud of. You just need a little crack in the logic of your doom and gloom party for the light and truth to pour in.
Then ask for help to see the truth, and ask for help in whatever your circumstances are from your higher power. “Angels help me see that I can do this”. “Universe help me to take the next step today and feel some peace”.
The support will come to you, the universe is always waiting to support you, you do need to ask though because you have free will.
With practice you will be able to see yourself as your creator sees you. Beautiful and strong. Never perfect, but showing up and doing your best, asking for help and learning and healing and growing.
This makes you a beautiful, strong and courageous and human indeed. ❤ Go girl!!
by Joanna Peters | May 30, 2018 | Uncategorized
A few years ago I would have missed the meaning behind this. I was too afraid of stepping out and being fully me …afraid of failure, afraid of judgement. I didn’t see fear as a gift at all. I was paralyzed.
I am an empath and a healer as well as a trained coach. I intuitively “know” and “see” people as their best version of themselves and see the mask and behaviors that they show up as today.
I knew how I was helping people was beyond what I learned in coaching school, but I would only market myself as a coach for many years. My intuitive gifts were totally in the closet.
Saying this out loud was terrifying to me, I knew it inside to be my truth, but I went dizzy at the thought of anyone knowing. “Who does she think she is?” I would imagine people thinking, whenever I deliberated telling others. Believing me and not believing me (“shes says she can do what?), both reactions terrified me.
I used to coach a good friend, and tease her that she is an amazing bright light in the universe, but she is shining it inside a closet because of her self-doubt and fears. She was a wonderful mirror for me.
I was still so worried about pleasing others, looking good and keeping up the role of being what I thought people expected from me.
I worked to heal some of my wounds around this, and I’m now claiming my gifts – (gasp) visibly – and the world is still spinning 🙂
True happiness can only be fully known from a place of true authenticity.
Sooo.. what’s the thing you are most afraid of??? Have the courage to look into what that fear is, because it could well be the thing you are most afraid of because its the thing you want the most.
It’s so powerful, taking action a little scared ?
by Joanna Peters | Jan 17, 2016 | Healing Tools
The fun part of being a woman is that we get to change our minds, right? As we grow we change our minds about what makes us happy all the time.
As a result, there are so many common phases of being a woman.
What lit us up pre-kids, often doesn’t hold a candle to a good book or a few uninterrupted hours on the couch with our husband a few years later.
I am thankful through coaching that I now know how very common all these phases are. No one is immune to self doubt and comparison to others. However, we are all ‘hot messes’ once in a while, thinking we are the only one losing our mind and falling short.
Another truth, we are all on our own unique journeys. Where ever you are, you are exactly where you are supposed to be!
So relax and have some fun reading through these stages, which are you in? your friends or sisters? which did you move through and survive?
These phases, many of which I have experienced personally, include what keeps us up at night, and where we tend to get stuck finding peace and satisfaction, so check out and share the tips when you see yourself.
Corporate Career Gal
What you may be experiencing:
Strong sense of identity and purpose, fully manicured and focused – yes, for me this phase was pre-kids. If you have perfectionist tendencies though, you are likely working too much and trying to please too many people, without checking in on how you actually want to be spending your life. Somehow inherent in this phase is overwhelm and stress due to people pleasing, trying to ‘prove yourself’ and ineffective/unclear personal boundaries.
Some tips for this stage:
Peace at this stage can be created by looking at what drives you – is it fear of failing or disappointing people (triggers from past) or passion for what you are doing and wanting to do it well? Work on how to stop being hard on yourself, and working though what could get in the way of making some new choices. You may look like you have it all, but exhaustion or anxiety are signs you could be even happier. Take care of yourself and get the support you need to reach your goals with joy.
Career Gal With A Forever Changed Mommy Heart
What you may be experiencing:
Enter profound life changing love, but also enter exhaustion and mommy guilt. That feeling that you are failing everywhere despite being smart and working so hard to please so many! The shift that it’s more fun being proud of their achievements than your own. More mommy guilt due to overwhelm, crazy schedules and age appropriate kid procrastination; the combination of which can turn you into a screaming banshee in the mornings, only to then feel guilty while you miss them all day!
Some tips for this stage:
Remaining emotionally grounded using mindfulness techniques, getting clear on your personal values and boundaries and your parenting goals, being kind to yourself and asking for help are the keys during this stage in order to truly enjoy each precious moment of this life stage.
Part-Time/Flexible Work Arrangement Career Mom
What you may be experiencing:
Potentially less stress, although the feeling of failing everywhere continues and is compounded with some loss of self-worth at work, and wait – aren’t you working as many hours but from home and getting paid less?! Happy to be able to make it to more school events, get them off the bus and be there if the school nurse calls..nothing else matters..right? or does it? can you be there for your kids and also feel fulfilled professionally? How about being able to organize the home now you are in it more or get in better shape, is that possible?
Some tips for this stage:
Important to get clear on what you really want. Part time creates a different type of stress due to potentially unrealistic expectations from yourself and partner typically, of whats possible. Clarity and communication critical.
Stay-At-Home Mom
What you may be experiencing:
Huge relief of mommy guilt – you feel you are where you are supposed to be, except now enter the guilt of not earning, adjustment that you have no money, worrying if you are being a ‘good enough’ stay at home mom while insanely comparing yourself to jean-cleaver-types. Adjustment and more self doubt as you realize that the little people are much harder to deal with than even the craziest of ‘corporates’ and you are missing the ability to accurately measure if you are even doing well at this crushingly important new role! Enter more exhaustion, some boredom, and all the stay at home mommy clichés you swore you’d never say or do. But then so much joy, priceless snuggles and giggles, the moments of which all magically erase the most challenging or worrying of times.
Some tips for this stage:
Challenges of this life stage include losing your personal identity, separating and prioritizing your personal needs from the needs of your family. People pleasing and perfectionism can swing into bouts of giving up, lowering your standards and depression if not identified and dealt with – all despite many wonderful snuggles and knowing you are where you are supposed to be. Awareness of these potential pitfalls is key, seeking support for your own happiness is important. Only you can give your children a happy mom who loves life.
Mom On A Job Search
What you may be experiencing:
You’ve adjusted to stay at home life, perhaps been there a while….you’ve got this! Must earn some extra money though. What can you do between school hours that pays more than $10 an hour, gives you flexibility of random sick days off with no judgment and doesn’t make you want to blow your brains out? Easy to limit your options and get discouraged.
Some tips for this stage:
Some great work would be to circle back to your skills, values, and what you really want to do without presumed limitations, and get some accountability to work through fears to take action.
I’ll Just Put My Life On Hold Until High School Mom
What you may be experiencing:
Perhaps deciding that no jobs that pay well give you enough flexibility, you’ll keep yourself busy and stay on a budget until they go to high school. Enter much PTA work and/or stages of secretly binge watching Netflix. The “I used to be a …” conversations, ignoring the occasional dissatisfaction of supporting everyone else’s dreams, leading to random outbursts at family that they don’t appreciate you. It’s common to feel as though your life is on hold (albeit for loving reasons) and resentful that you are not feeling fulfilled, valued or appreciated.
Some tips for this stage:
Work through your real options with someone able to discern fear from real blocks, brainstorm solutions, encourage and keep you accountable to keep moving towards what you really want.
Seeking Peace GIrl
What you may be experiencing:
Perhaps a challenging life event threw you a curve ball, and you’ve been struggling through like the heroine you are ever since. Perhaps for too long without seeking help to process your emotions, but everyone depends on you, right? Enter either disconnection from husband because you feel he doesn’t understand you, or too much yelling. Resentment that despite working so hard no one seems to appreciate you and husband/kids don’t help you without nagging or yelling.
Some tips for this stage:
Likely something else going on underneath, who are you really angry with or at? How can you think about your situation or your families actions differently? who do YOU need to be to change your situation? Get yourself some support, you deserve to be happy- it can change if you do (see “I’m So Angry!” post).
Questioning Life Plan
What you may be experiencing:
Feeling there is something else you should be doing? enter repetitive conversations with girlfriends, what could you do or be next? you used to feel smart, really! Can you be something meaningful now and not screw up parenting your kids? If you were to give yourself permission to do something for yourself, what would it be? Who are you anyway separate from being a Mom?
Some tips for this stage:
All great questions but lets stop circling and land the plane! Work this through, circle back to what lights you up inside, what do you love to do? whats practical? brainstorm baby steps how you can get there, even if on an indirect path. Set out action steps and accountability, and work through any doubts that you shouldn’t get to do exactly what you want to do. Maybe you’ll even get to do what you were put on this earth to do.
Momtrepreneur
What you may be experiencing:
Return of personal fulfillment, discovering your personal life purpose or your “what’s next”, taking risks that make you want to throw up, always living and learning how to be a better mom and person each day. Possible overwhelm and struggling with work-life balance. Thoughts swirling 24/7, creative business ideas, red t-shirt day at school tomorrow, missed gym appointments and exciting networking. Potentially super fun stage, so long as you are not exhausted, letting go of personal health goals, or feeling as though a ball is going to drop any second.
Some tips for this stage:
Learning mindfulness techniques, being aware of where your fear lies, being super clear on personal values and priorities and the developing confidence to execute on these without guilt will make this stage as much fun as it can be.
So what’s next on your journey, where did you see yourself in these stages? I would love to hear what resonated for you, and what you are working to create next.
Much Love,
Joanna
by Joanna Peters | Sep 16, 2015 | Healing Tools
Are you a good mom? We all worry about that one.
Motherhood looks and feels different for everyone, so how do we know, truly?
The way we chose to spend our time, the type of parent we mostly are and our automatic reactions under stress are all unique for each of us. So what is this image of a “good mom” we are comparing ourselves to?
When you fight against the nuances of being you, in pursuit of a random ideal image of a mother, you may feel as though you are falling short. The trick of being at peace with this question is to create and live what YOUR clear image of healthy parenting looks like; honoring YOUR values, personality and your children’s needs.
God gave these kiddos to YOU for a reason, you have everything inside of you that they need.
Take the time to create your personal vision of parenting goals based on your strengths, your unique self and your unique soul values.
Have you created that vision? without thinking I “should”, or comparing yourself to others?
Yes, you are a good mom.
Get intentional about how you want to parent, and learn how to stay mindful to avoid automatic reactions that deviate from that.
Most of all, be kind to yourself. It is apparently God’s plan to have imperfect, hormonal and semi-healed moms love their kids the best they can while they work on themselves at the same time 🙂
Much love,
Joanna
by Joanna Peters | Mar 3, 2015 | Healing Tools
I need a rant.. Perfectionism stinks!! It robs so many wonderful women of peace and joy.
It is at the root of ‘all or nothing’ behavior, it supports negative self-talk and comparing ourselves to others, and creates low self-esteem and depression.
It turns altruism into overwhelm, sidetracks otherwise present moms from connection and arms every women with the ammunition with which to beat ourselves up for not measuring up. (phew!) Yes, it stinks and its exhausting, I know first hand.
What is perfectionism?
We may have been taught that its a good thing, somehow over the last generation it got confused with excellence.
Perfectionism is not excellence. It is setting impossible standards, zeroing in on what is missing, focusing on how we are not ‘there’ yet.
It’s depriving ourselves of love until we reach a future goal – promising ourselves we will feel better when we are slimmer, when we reach the next promotion, when our hair grows out, when we finally get to organize all the closets in our home.
It is the practice of delaying our happiness because we don’t measure up yet because we are not ‘there’ – the unrealistic goal.
Of course when we do get ‘there’, we don’t celebrate too hard, if at all, because we conclude it wasn’t a worthy enough goal.
We change the criteria. We will be happy when we lose the next 5 pounds, the next promotion, when we die our hair, or when we move house – we change the destination of happiness so we never reach it.
If this sounds like you, if you have been told you are too hard on yourself, but you think you just have high standards. If you are exhausted but are telling yourself you will be ‘there’ soon (but are also kinda onto yourself about the moving goal post thing), then you are probably a perfectionist – and no, it isn’t a good thing.
Its based on the thinking that at some point in time there will be a perfect, kodak moment, picket fence life with a perfect red bow on it, that you can post on instagram and say…I did it!! phew!
Life moves on though, past the accomplishment and is both messy and wonderful. Working through this thinking, how it is hurting you and likely others around you is such a valuable and rewarding experience. I can say so wholeheartedly, as a recovering perfectionist myself.
Here are some thoughts to get you thinking until we talk more:
=> The opposite of perfectionism is character, uniqueness and personal growth.
=> We are all hot messes – no exceptions (so consider giving up the goal of pretending to have it all together)
=> Where did you learn that perfectionism was a positive thing? (parents? sibling comparison?)
=> Who’s attention did you want or feel the need to prove yourself to as a child?
=> Notice and replace negative self-talk with “I’m doing the best I can with what I know to be true right now and that has to be enough”
=> Forgive yourself, as you would a friend.
=> Practice some mindset affirmations that open and retrain your mind from perfectionism (check out mindset affirmations under free resources)
=> **Be kind to yourself!!**
Much love!
Joanna
by Joanna Peters | Feb 4, 2015 | Healing Tools
Did you know that the need to please can be so ingrained in women that we equate saying no with saying “I don’t care about you?? Well that’s just silly, right?
As promised, tips on successful setting personal boundaries and guarding them like your happiness depends on it (it does):
• Be honest. Tell the truth with compassion and grace, don’t make up excuses. Half-truths will eat away at your integrity.
• Keep it short. You don’t need to justify your “no”.
• Avoid wimpy refusals like: “I’m not sure” or “I don’t think so” as some people will hear “maybe”.
• Make friends with the silence that will follow your refusal while the other person digests what you have said. Don’t fill the silence, it’s their turn.
• Circle back to what you are saying ‘yes’ to, by saying ‘no’ to this (e.g. time with your family, peace, your health etc) to strengthen your resolve and courage.
Not sure you know what actual words to say?? Play with these examples until one fits you, then practice, practice, practice!!!
• That doesn’t work for me.
• Not this time, sorry.
• I’m honored but I can’t this time.
• I’m learning to limit my commitments, thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t.
• I won’t be able to dedicate the time I need to it.
• That is actually something I really dislike doing, so I’m a ‘no’ this time.
• I’d rather stick needles in my eyes, but thanks.
• You’d be great at that, I think you should do it!
by Joanna Peters | Jan 30, 2015 | Healing Tools
Insomnia? Busy Brain? Worry?
Ahh the very misguided musings of a tired, overthinking mind.
Goddess, Your thoughts just aren’t that special! We put too much faith in our intellect when we aren’t centered and balanced. Thoughts are just thoughts.
We all have them, lots of them. Some thoughts are triggers from fear, some are “I must figure this out or the world may end’ type thoughts. Breathe. You are not the managing director of the universe. You will be guided tomorrow once you get some rest, get centered and connect with our intuition and guides again.
Here are some tips on how do we shut down the worry/over planning thoughts down on demand at night:
=> Write down genuine ‘to-dos’ during day, so you can trust you are covered when you enter the ‘misguided musings’ hour.
=> Ask yourself, “What’s ONE thing I can do tomorrow to reduce or eliminate my concern now?”. Write it down and commit to doing it tomorrow.
=> Remind yourself that you are not the managing director of the universe, and review the scope of what you are concerned about with some humor.
=> Thoughts are just thoughts. Notice them with curiosity and wait for the next one; like waves on a beach. (this is a great visualization tool to fight the need to analyze each precious one!)
=> Fall in love with routine; go to bed and wake up at the same time everyday.
=> Create a habit to do whatever centers you and brings you peace, if not daily then start with a few times a week but as a routine.
=> Use mindful techniques to keep patiently bringing yourself back to “now” (vs future or past). I cover this more thoroughly in other posts, but am easy way to start is to focus on using your senses. You cant notice what you see, smell, hear etc if you are in the past or future.
=> Remember to ask for help, and repeatedly if your mind is putting up a fight – “Arch Angel Micheal (or your higher power) thank you for loving me. Please help me to give my worries away, I release them and trust I will be equipped with what I need tomorrow. Please fill me with peace and a knowing that I am loved and supported”.
Much love,
Joanna
by Joanna Peters | Jan 9, 2015 | Healing Tools
Oh how often I fantasized about actually saying this to someone as I battled with my will to please over the years! Why can it be so hard to say no?
Until I got a handle on this, at times, I would run myself ragged doing too many things, sometimes out of obligation and guilt instead of compassion, love and choice.
Even against my growing intellect on the topic I would still struggle to say no if I didn’t have a good excuse, what if I just didn’t want to? would that be okay to say out loud?!? That used to paralyze me with fear.
In conversations with many girlfriends and clients, this is something women especially have a hard time with, and It can hold us back from designing the life we were actually meant to live.
Stay tuned to my next few posts on this topic… ‘The beginners guide to saying no’….
by Joanna Peters | Nov 17, 2014 | Healing Tools
I think every parent wants more for their children than they had.
We want to guide them through life, and with our experience and their talent, anything is possible!
Perfectly understandable given how much we love them.
One important thing to consider is that they are following in our footsteps, absorbing our every thought and emulating our every aspiration for ourselves.
They will not reach their full potential until they can emulate us striving for ours. We can’t tell them anything is possible, from our couch while we are not reaching for our dreams and not taking care of our health.
What if putting yourself FIRST (or for some of us, getting ourselves anywhere on the priority list) is actually the best thing to do for our kids self-esteem?
And why not kill two birds with one stone?
Why not make ourselves fully accomplished, fulfilled and proud of ourselves, while teaching them to strive for what makes them happy?
Limiting beliefs, fear and old childhood wounds often hold us back from going after our own goals. We can easily pass these onto our children if we aren’t conscious of them.
Don’t all humans actually function more joyfully and effectively with a little self focus and self care? There is a great analogy that we need to fill the pitcher first in order to pour for others.
Daughters will learn from their mothers behavior how much their happiness will matter as woman, and sons will learn how much their wives and female friends matter.
So, lets start filling that pitcher, without the guilt, because we matter and we want to set a good example of self care!
What will you do for yourself today?
How will you show your children that you matter and are still in the fight for personal greatness?
Start small (a bubble bath perhaps) or make strong declarations about where you are heading in the future.. I would love to see your posts..
You are worth it and I believe in you!
Much Love,
Joanna
